April 29, 2014

Things Will Change & That’s OK…Or Is It?


I feel like I need to preface this post by saying I am not referring to my relationship with MAL. I promise!

You know the saying – “Nothing in life stays the same”…or something along those lines. I learned that lesson all too well in the past year raising twins. Nothing, and I repeat nothing, stays constant long enough for you to get comfortable (aside from how sweet and lovable they are, which I’m told may change one day when they hit two and three!). But, discomfort breeds rockstars.

The only thing constant about change is change itself. And that’s OK, right? Sort of. It’s OK if you’re someone who rolls with the punches easily. I never used to be that person. I’m still working very hard at being someone who adjusts easily to change, but I’m not there yet.

I’ve had a lot of life changes in the past year, as I’m sure many of you have. But I want to talk about one specific change that I think we can all relate to – relationships.

Think about those people in your life who you are positive you’ll always have a relationship with. You have shared so much and have so many similarities that you can’t fathom ever not having that person in your life.

So what happens when that person changes, and unbeknownst to you, all of a sudden your relationship is no longer that important? It truly sucks when that happens, but all too often, it does. And there’s not a darn thing we can do about it, no matter how much we overanalyze and try to figure out what we did wrong and how we can possibly fix it. Sometimes the onus simply lies with the other person, and we simply have to sit back and accept the change.

You learn a lot about your relationships with people when you go through something traumatic in life. In my case, some people who I thought would be there supporting me in some way, shape or form weren’t. To this day, I still don’t know exactly why. I have my theories based on observations of what has happened in their lives and where they are at now, but that doesn’t make it any easier to grasp the fact that a once very mutually beneficial friendship has fizzled.

I take things very personally. Always have. Always will. Any time a client has stopped working with my company over the past seven years and I was part of the team, I was crushed. It was never because I personally did anything wrong (it was usually budget issues, as is so common at agencies), but I was invested in that client.

I become emotionally attached to the people and work that mean a lot to me. So accepting change in friendships isn’t any different. I take it personally, and it takes me a long time to deal with that change.

But here’s what I’ve learned in my old(er) age: There are too many other great people in our lives who deserve our attention and time, and we shouldn’t spend any extra energy on those who don’t give back as much as we put forth to maintain a relationship.

It’s as simple as that. Easier said than done, especially if you’re like me. But I’ve become pretty good at it, especially as I am forced to make great use of the time and energy I have for each day. There is no extra time to wallow in my sorrows about damaged relationships…particularly ones I played no part in damaging.

It hurts to let go of someone who once meant a lot to you. The memories will always be there, and you’ll always feel a tinge of sadness when you see that person out and about or read something about him/her on Facebook.

Just remember that change happens, and it’s for a reason. Quit killing yourself trying to understand why. Accept it, and move forward. And please don’t hold a grudge. It does no good for your mental health or well being.

Don’t forget that sometimes the change lies within you. I’m not the same person I was a year ago. I’ve learned from my experiences and grown/changed because of them. I know that as a result of those experiences, I am not as close with people I once was, partly because our lives went in separate directions.

Things will change…and that’s OK.

Your turn. I’m sure many of you have experienced changes in friendships/relationships. How have you gotten through the change?

Photo Credit: Nanagyei via Compfight cc