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Several weeks back, I made a big commitment. One of those scary and audacious, but at the same time, “this is going to be so awesome” commitments.

It was part impulsive, and part calculated risk.

It was partly because I wanted to do it, partly because a good friend of mine encouraged me to do it, partly because MAL has been encouraging me to do it for several months and partly because I really wanted something exciting to look forward to.

The commitment is I signed up to run the Detroit Free Press half marathon on October 15 – two days before my 32nd birthday.

I wouldn’t really call myself a runner. I’ve ran in a handful of 5K races, and I enjoyed doing them. I do run on my own accord, but a runner? I wouldn’t really classify myself in that category.

And I won’t lie to you – I don’t love running. I’m not one of those “I can’t wait to lace up my shoes and feel the breeze on my face” types of people. I do enjoy it – for about 3 miles.

So how the heck am I going to run 13.1 miles? Well…I’m still working on figuring that out.

Thankfully, I have my lovely friend Julie to partake in the challenge. Heck, she just had a baby. My babies are 3 years old now. She inspires me.

I can do this. I want to do this. I will do this. I kind of pretend like I’m not doing this.

But with the weather getting warmer, it’s becoming a reality that I made this big, scary commitment. I can’t hide from it anymore. I have to start training.

I think I’ll feel better about it when I put a training plan together. Right now, I’m still kind of pretending like I didn’t sign up for it. But when I talk myself out of the shadow I’m cowering in, I know I need to get my act together and start figuring out how I make it 13.1 miles without collapsing during mile 5.

I thought it may help to document the journey along the way. It helped me during my 2.5 mile run this past weekend – I was thinking about what I wanted to write about in this first post.

I was also thinking about the many reasons why signing up for this half marathon was a terrible idea. You know, it was that self-deprecating type of talk that is so important to avoid if you want to maintain a positive attitude (I swear, I’m not going to have many of those talks with myself anymore!).

This is a bad idea because I don’t think I can run more than 4 miles.

This is a bad idea because I don’t have the mental stamina to make it for 13.1 miles. My mind starts to wander during runs, and I become impatient. I pay too much attention to how close I am to the next mile, or to the end of the run. I start to focus on everything bothering me – my thighs are screaming, my calves are tightening up, I’m too hot.

Physically, I truly think I can do it. I think my body can definitely make it 13.1 miles, with the proper training. Getting winded isn’t my problem. It’s truly a mental game. So, I guess my mental prep needs to be just as big a part of my training as the physical aspect.

I’ll stop rambling. For now.

I can’t promise I’ll write every week, but I would like to make a concerted effort to document this process. It gets me back to writing on this blog that I’ve poured so much effort into over the years, but intentionally neglected once the twins were born and there were too many competing priorities.

I have to thank the nice person who was talking to me through the @freepmarathon Twitter handle last week. He/she looked at my website and suggested I document the training process on my blog. I politely declined, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it would be a good idea. So thanks for the encouragement, @freepmarathon.

I’d love to hear from the real runners out there. How did you train for your first major run? What helped you with mental roadblocks? What products do you love most to help with the training? Leave a comment here or on my Facebook post (if we’re Facebook pals).

And, thanks for reading. 🙂

I feel like I need to preface this post by saying I am not referring to my relationship with MAL. I promise!

You know the saying – “Nothing in life stays the same”…or something along those lines. I learned that lesson all too well in the past year raising twins. Nothing, and I repeat nothing, stays constant long enough for you to get comfortable (aside from how sweet and lovable they are, which I’m told may change one day when they hit two and three!). But, discomfort breeds rockstars.

The only thing constant about change is change itself. And that’s OK, right? Sort of. It’s OK if you’re someone who rolls with the punches easily. I never used to be that person. I’m still working very hard at being someone who adjusts easily to change, but I’m not there yet.

I’ve had a lot of life changes in the past year, as I’m sure many of you have. But I want to talk about one specific change that I think we can all relate to – relationships.

Think about those people in your life who you are positive you’ll always have a relationship with. You have shared so much and have so many similarities that you can’t fathom ever not having that person in your life.

So what happens when that person changes, and unbeknownst to you, all of a sudden your relationship is no longer that important? It truly sucks when that happens, but all too often, it does. And there’s not a darn thing we can do about it, no matter how much we overanalyze and try to figure out what we did wrong and how we can possibly fix it. Sometimes the onus simply lies with the other person, and we simply have to sit back and accept the change.

You learn a lot about your relationships with people when you go through something traumatic in life. In my case, some people who I thought would be there supporting me in some way, shape or form weren’t. To this day, I still don’t know exactly why. I have my theories based on observations of what has happened in their lives and where they are at now, but that doesn’t make it any easier to grasp the fact that a once very mutually beneficial friendship has fizzled.

I take things very personally. Always have. Always will. Any time a client has stopped working with my company over the past seven years and I was part of the team, I was crushed. It was never because I personally did anything wrong (it was usually budget issues, as is so common at agencies), but I was invested in that client.

I become emotionally attached to the people and work that mean a lot to me. So accepting change in friendships isn’t any different. I take it personally, and it takes me a long time to deal with that change.

But here’s what I’ve learned in my old(er) age: There are too many other great people in our lives who deserve our attention and time, and we shouldn’t spend any extra energy on those who don’t give back as much as we put forth to maintain a relationship.

It’s as simple as that. Easier said than done, especially if you’re like me. But I’ve become pretty good at it, especially as I am forced to make great use of the time and energy I have for each day. There is no extra time to wallow in my sorrows about damaged relationships…particularly ones I played no part in damaging.

It hurts to let go of someone who once meant a lot to you. The memories will always be there, and you’ll always feel a tinge of sadness when you see that person out and about or read something about him/her on Facebook.

Just remember that change happens, and it’s for a reason. Quit killing yourself trying to understand why. Accept it, and move forward. And please don’t hold a grudge. It does no good for your mental health or well being.

Don’t forget that sometimes the change lies within you. I’m not the same person I was a year ago. I’ve learned from my experiences and grown/changed because of them. I know that as a result of those experiences, I am not as close with people I once was, partly because our lives went in separate directions.

Things will change…and that’s OK.

Your turn. I’m sure many of you have experienced changes in friendships/relationships. How have you gotten through the change?

Photo Credit: Nanagyei via Compfight cc

2013 was the best and most challenging year of my entire 29 years on this earth. It was the best because after a very tough pregnancy and 5.5 week hospital stay, I had two perfectly healthy identical twin boys, Nolan James and Evan William (aka, the #littlebabies).

Words can’t begin to describe how incredible it has been to watch these little dudes grow from less than five pounds at birth to 22 pound 10-month-olds with insanely vivid personalities…and they’re crazy smart (I know, every parent says that, but come see them and you’ll see why I say that!). If you care to read more about my birth story, go for it.

But, this year wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns. I was very honest when I wrote about my struggle with postpartum depression. I’ve overcome it, but many challenges have stuck with me throughout the rest of the year, and I struggle every day to chip away at my weaknesses. My hospital stay was so.incredibly.difficult. I’m glad I took as much time off work as I did to care for the #littlebabies and get physically/emotionally stronger, but when you love what you do in your career and spend eight months away from it, you feel incomplete.

To cap off the year, I thought I’d share the eight lessons I learned during eight months of maternity leave. These aren’t all related to parenting. Hopefully some of these life lessons will help you if you’re currently going through something difficult, or if you hit a few bumps in the road in 2014.

1. I’m much stronger than I ever thought I was. If someone would have given me a glimpse into my pregnancy future before it happened and told me everything I would have to endure and overcome, I would have never believed them. When the doctors told me I potentially had two more weeks to stay in the hospital before delivering than I initially thought I had, I had the biggest pit in my stomach. I honestly didn’t know how I would survive another two weeks. I didn’t think I had the strength to do it. It ended up being a little less than two weeks, but I did it. And I’ve gotten through every other obstacle that has come my way this year. Just when you think you don’t have the will to push forward, you dig deep and muster up the courage. It is possible to overcome what seemingly feels impossible.

2. I’m much weaker than I ever thought I was. I consider myself a strong person. I went through a very difficult few years in my early/mid twenties. I thought if I made it through that, there was nothing else I couldn’t conquer. Well, I still believe that, but I was a bit naive about the difficulty of future challenges. I’ve given in to my weaknesses too many times this year. I recognize that. I have given myself pep talks at the end of the day and committed to not acting or feeling a certain way the next day, but then something inevitably pushed down on my weakness button and caused me to buckle. I think as long as you continue to recognize your weaknesses and work at them, you may never 100% overcome then, but you can successfully manage them. That’s what I’m working toward. It’s totally unrealistic to expect perfection in any aspect of your life.

3. Having a support system in your life is vital. I wouldn’t have made it through this year without the support of my husband, family, friends and my work family. Period. No matter how strong or independent you are, everyone needs at least one person they can lean on and 100% trust when life gets tough. I am beyond grateful for every person who supported me and my family this year. If you could use a better support system, build one now before you need it! And it goes two ways – you need to support others before you can expect support in return.

4. 50/50 balance doesn’t exist. Aim for efficiency. If you think it’s possible to achieve work/life balance, sorry to burst your bubble, but it isn’t. There will always be something you feel is lacking – you aren’t home enough with your family, you didn’t put enough effort into that new client project, etc. Aiming for harmonious balance is setting yourself up for failure. Instead, try to find efficiency in your life. Be as efficient, productive and successful as possible with everything you do in life. You’ll miss the mark some days, and that’s OK. But you’ll feel a huge weight lifted from your shoulders once you choose the efficiency mindset over the balance one. I promise.

5. Seeking advice is important, but your gut/heart will never lead you astray. I did what most other first-time parents do – I got as educated as possible through books, research and other parental advice before the #littlebabies arrived. I revisited earmarked pages in books frequently during the first few months when I had no idea what I was doing (or what they were doing!). I got sidetracked and confused by advice from others, sometimes welcomed, other times not. The times I’ve listened to my gut have been the times I felt the best about the decisions I’ve made. I’m not saying don’t listen to others. I received phenomenal advice from people I trust, and I am so appreciative of that. But, I’m glad I’ve stuck to my guns on several occasions and chose to do what I felt was right. I won’t always be right, and neither will you, but sometimes good old intuition and instinct will be your best guide.

6. Letting go is one of the hardest things to do, but you must try. I’m the poster child for a Type A personality. I credit it for why I’ve been so successful in my career. However, some of those career strengths have morphed into parenting weaknesses. Babies are amazing little creatures, but sometimes no matter how hard you try to “go by the books” or do what you think/know is right, whatever you’re trying to accomplish isn’t going to work. And it can be crushing. This is one of those things I may never be very good at, but I’m working on getting better. I’ll probably never be the type of person who lets things roll off her shoulders and who doesn’t dwell on whatever is bothering her. But learning to let go, even just the slightest bit, is very healthy. When you feel the anxiety/stress start to creep up, choose the calm approach as often as possible. Deep breaths work magic.

7. Slowing down and appreciating the “little things in life” is essential. This is another one of those lessons I’m still working on. I’ve always zipped from one thing to the next, but most days I feel like my power button is turned to a crazy high speed. Here are two examples of what happened to me when I didn’t slow down:

I was tired one morning (let’s be honest – I’m tired just about every morning), and I was hurrying to get down the stairs holding Evan because he was really hungry. I was going too fast, and I fell down the top two stairs and hit the landing in the middle of our stairs. Thankfully, I didn’t dropped Evan. But I just about passed about because I was terrified, and I ended up with the most painful (and hideous) looking bruise. You can bet I gingerly walk down the stairs every time I have a baby in my arms now.

MAL and I went to breakfast a few months ago, and I ordered pumpkin pancakes. Our server must have only heard me say pancakes, because I got plain pancakes. But, I didn’t even notice they were plain until I already ate half the plate. I was too busy thinking about a million things, talking to Mike and checking something on my phone. Ridiculous, right? True story.

Now that I’ve been working on it, I’ve noticed I’m able to relish more in the small, yet incredible moments that frequently happen when you have a lot of life blessings.

8. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. This is a mantra I’ve firmly believed in for a long time, but this year pretty much moved it to the top of my “life lessons” list. I told this to a friend of mine who is only a few years older than me and who is battling breast cancer right now. I know things happen that are so utterly terrible that you haven’t the faintest clue how you’ll get past it and come out the same person. But you can. And you’ll be a better and stronger person because you battled and conquered.

Your turn. What’s something you’ve learned in 2013?