Positivity Archives - Nikki Little

Bad things happen every day to good people. It’s not fair, and it makes no sense, but unfortunately that’s the way the world works.

Rather than focusing on negativity, I want to talk about courage. Take two recent examples of tragedies – the Boston Marathon bombings and the three girls who were held hostage in Cleveland for nearly a decade. While those are sad, scary and tragic stories, there are also many examples of heroism and courage amid the darkness. I think if we find ways to highlight strength, perseverance and courage when bad things happen, it makes those difficult pills a little bit easier to swallow.

What about you? Maybe you never survived a bombing or escaped a kidnapper, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have your own courage story (or know of someone who has one). I know I’m supposed to be taking a break from blogging (and I have for 2.5 months!), but I’m inspired every time I hear stories from people who have overcome something really difficult and came out stronger as a result of a challenging experience. So, that’s why I want you to share your courage story. You never know who you may help or inspire by telling your story. If you don’t have one or don’t feel comfortable sharing a personal story, share one about someone you know. Put someone else in the positive spotlight.

Here’s one of my courage stories:

MAL and I were ecstatic when we found out I was pregnant in early August of 2012. We were even more excited (OK, we were a combo of shocked, freaked out and excited) when we found out I was pregnant with identical twins. Everything was going great until at 16 weeks, I was diagnosed with a condition called vasa previa. There were a lot of “what ifs” and “maybes” that left me holding my breath every day and praying the symptoms the docs told me to watch out for never became a reality.

The plan was for me to go into the hospital at 28 weeks and deliver around 32 weeks. I went in at 28 weeks on January 18, 2013. I was partly relieved to go because I knew I would be in good hands and keeping me pregnant as long as possible was critical, but I was also terrified because I hate hospitals and needles (and who wants to be cooped up in a hospital alone for a month?!). Well, it turned out better and worse than I expected. Worse because I had more needle pokes in the 5.5 weeks I was there than I had my entire life. I also developed gestational diabetes, so I had to have my fingers poked multiple times a day for testing. Again, I was terrified every day and tried my best to have faith that all would turn out well with the pregnancy.

One of my nurses asked me in the very beginning what my goal was for the day, and I told her it was to be brave. She wrote that on the white board in my room, and it stayed there the entire time. It served as a constant reminder that I needed to be strong and have faith in order to get through this difficult experience.

After a long month, I came to the 32 week mark. Me and the babies were doing great, so my doctors decided to extend my pregnancy to 34 weeks. Part of me was thrilled because that was two extra weeks for the babies to grow, but I couldn’t help feeling disappointed (and of course guilty because I felt that disappointment) that I would have to deal with another 2 weeks in the hospital.

Jumping to the end, I ended up having the twins at 33.1 weeks because I started having contractions and my docs wanted to avoid me going into labor on my own. Nolan James (4 pounds 2 ounces) and Evan William (4 pounds 11 ounces) were born on February 22. After a 13 day stay in the NICU (which was shorter than we expected because they were little rock stars), we took the little dudes home. Then started a whole new courage story that I’m planning to write about at a different time.

It’s been nearly 11 weeks, but every day I face some sort of new struggle or challenge, even though I couldn’t be happier with them and how well they’ve grown and developed.

Being brave and courageous is hard. Sometimes it downright sucks because you know you have to do it, yet some days it seems impossible. But, you push forward, find coping mechanisms and you get through it.

There’s one of my courage stories. Now, I want to hear yours. Share yours in the comments. Or, write your own post and post the link in the comments. If you share this post or your story on Twitter, use the #couragestory hashtag so we can track these tales of triumph. Like I said before, you never know who you may help or inspire by sharing your story!

** Special shout out to all the nurses and doctors in the antepartum, postpartum and NICU units at Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak, MI. I couldn’t have asked for a better team of specialists to take care of me and the #littlebabies!

Photo Credit: Rowena Waack via Compfight cc

Big news broke this week – Lance Armstrong finally admitted to doping. He spoke with Oprah in an interview that’s airing this Thursday to talk about his confession and (I’m assuming) apologize to his millions of fans and supporters. I saw on the news today that Oprah said he didn’t come clean in the way she thought he would and she and her staff were surprised and riveted by some of his answers to her questions.

I have never closely followed Lance Armstrong’s achievements or his work through Livestrong, but I know he has served as a symbol of motivation and inspiration for people from all walks of life for many, many years. He was a positive role model who instilled hope and encouragement in his fans and supporters.

Now, he has severely damaged all those years of hard work and reputation/credibility building.

Let’s look more closely at the confession and airing his dirty laundry with Oprah strategy. Drew Sharp wrote an article in the Detroit Free Press about how Lance Armstrong’s talk with Oprah is about PR, not journalism. He notes that “if Oprah cuts you slack, then it’s only a matter of time before everybody else follows.”

Drew refers to the interview as a “public relations ploy.” If you’re in the PR world, that phrase probably makes you cringe (it does for me). To me, using the word “ploy” denotes deception and negativity, when in reality, Lance talking first to Oprah is actually a really smart strategy (Drew does say Lance made a smart move by agreeing to talk with Oprah).

I posted Drew’s article in a PR Google+ community I’m part of and got some interesting comments:

“I don’t think he is wrong to do it and I don’t think it is a bad move. Depending how it goes, I think it will work pretty well for him. However, imo he’s clearly being a bit sneaky/smart about it or he’d be talking to a sports outlet. I suspect he’s doing this first so when he does talk to the sports media later it’ll be that much more well received.” – Craig Fifield

“Agreed with Craig Faifield. Clearly this is the right PR move for him. Oprah won’t ask hard hitting questions. She’ll ask “tough” questions, but will let him off the hook with a one sentence answer.” – Matt LaCasse

I agree with both Craig and Matt. Right strategy, but will it really help salvage his reputation in the end? We’ll see. I’ll be intently watching the Oprah interview.

So, here are my questions – Can Lance ever make a comeback? Will he be viewed in a positive light among his fans, his foundation’s employees, the media and the general public ever again? Can admission to guilt after so many years of adamantly and vehemently denying doping allegations eventually help turn things around for Lance?

My prediction: It’s going to take a very long time before Lance smells the sweet scent of redemption. You can’t deny something for so long and think that admitting it and showing remorse will immediately bring you back into a positive spotlight. It’s going to take years of hard work to rebuild his credibility. I don’t think he’ll ever again reach the status he once held as a do-gooder person/athlete and role model.

However, time, genuine and heartfelt remorse and hard work to fix damages you created can do wonders.

Your thoughts on the Lance Armstrong doping debacle?

Photo Credit: Visualogist via Compfight cc

An interesting video has gone viral in the past week, but it’s different than your typical viral video (no cute kitties or babies, crazy stunts or someone acting out). This video features Jennifer Livingston, a news anchor from WKBT in La Crosse, WI, responding to a condescending letter from a viewer who took it upon himself to educate Jennifer on why she’s not providing “a suitable example for this community’s young people, girls in particular,” by being overweight and appearing on television.

Take a few minutes to watch the video, if you haven’t already.

I don’t want to talk about whether the viewer had a right to send that letter or if he was completely out of line. I want to talk about two things:

Turning a negative and hurtful situation into a positive one by using it as an opportunity to impart knowledge on others.
What it takes to effectively communicate an important message.

First point – Turning a negative situation into a positive one. Jennifer didn’t have to do what she did. She didn’t have to share this painful event with the world. She could have kept it between her and her coworkers, completely ignored the viewer and continued on with her life. She could have told her husband (who also works at the news station) to ignore his anger about the situation and not post it on his Facebook page.

Instead, Jennifer exposed herself, and this viewer, to the La Crosse community (which quickly expanded beyond Wisconsin thanks to the power of the Internet) by going on-air to explain what happened and teach some important lessons. These lessons included:

Personal attacks of this nature are not OK, and attention should be called to them.
Outward appearance has no indication of what a person is made of on the inside, and no one has the right to make any assumptions about someone based on his/her appearance.
Behavior like this is learned, and we need to do a better job of teaching others (especially children) why hurtful critiquing and passing judgment on others is not acceptable.
We are better than those who try to bring us down.
Others cannot define our own self worth.

Would you be strong enough to confront someone who put you down? Let’s take that a step further. Would you be strong enough to share a personal story that was painful and demoralizing and use it as an opportunity to lift others’ spirits? It takes some serious cajones to do what Jennifer did, and every time I watch that video, I want to jump through the screen and give her a huge hug. Her actions are commendable, and her words are inspiring.

You don’t have to use a very visible and public forum like a video or YouTube to do something similar. But think of how many people you could possibly help by extracting a positive lesson from a negative situation and using it to educate others. Doesn’t matter how you do it, but finding ways to help others gain from your loss, pain, mistakes, embarrassment, etc. is powerful.

Moving on to the second point – Effectively communicating a message. I probably took notice of how Jennifer delivered her message more than the average person would because of my work in PR, but there is a lot to be learned from her delivery.

Whether it’s a one-on-one conversation or a speech to hundreds of people, the next time you need to make sure an important message comes across clearly and effectively to a person or audience, take these cues from Jennifer:

Speak with confidence and conviction.
Don’t shout, but make sure your voice is clear and strong.
Use controlled hand motions, and let your hands help you highlight important components of your conversation or speech.
Use appropriate facial expressions. Display the proper emotions at the right time during your conversation or speech.
Be genuine.

There you have it – my two takeaways from the Jennifer Livingston viral video.

Your turn. What did you take away from this video and Jennifer’s experience?

Think about a time recently when you got really nervous or anxious because you put a load of pressure on yourself. Maybe your voice quivered and your words came out all mumbled. Maybe your hands were shaky and you started sweating. Maybe you made a mistake because you were focused too hard and trying not to make a mistake.

Building off that last example, that happened to me last week. I play on a USTA summer tennis league. Last week was the first match outside of our regular season because my team was in the top four and moved on in our league. My partner and I always play well together when we practice, but it was our first time playing together in a USTA match. Continue reading “Tips on Overcoming Unnecessary Pressure”

We can all afford to remove things from our lives that aren’t doing us any good. We make excuses for keeping these things around – we’re too busy, it takes too much time, we don’t know how, we’re scared, we’re not ready for change, etc.

The intensity of how these non-useful things affect our lives varies. If it’s something as simple as needing to clean up clutter in our house, that sits more toward the “annoyance, but not life threatening” end of the spectrum. But think about the more serious issues that could be doing harm in your life, such as a toxic relationship or unhealthy eating habits. Those issues are more toward the severe end of the spectrum and should not be ignored.

I wanted to talk about the topic of removing things that no longer belong in our lives because an experience I had the other day reminded me of two important factors that contribute to taking that important step forward: Continue reading “How to Remove the Unnecessary in Your Life”

This is from the Essential Elements “oldie, yet still a goodie” archives, originally published on October 3, 2010.

The same thing frequently happens to me on Sunday nights. As I’m finishing up tasks that needed to get done over the weekend and planning for the upcoming week, the anxiety starts to set it. Anxiety about what I didn’t get accomplished during the weekend. Anxiety about the week to come and everything on my to-do list. Anxiety about having anxiety.

I bet many of you reading this are nodding along in agreement. Even when we’re fortunate enough to be doing everything that we love (which should always be the case, but sadly isn’t for everyone), it’s nearly impossible to avoid feeling the pressure that comes along with commitment and responsibility.

Here’s a quote from Seth Godin I’ve saved that I want to share with you as you’re kicking off another week:

“Anxiety is nothing but repeatedly re-experiencing failure in advance. What a waste.”

Kind of puts anxiety into perspective, doesn’t it? I intentionally keep this on my to-do list in Evernote so that I’m reminded to take a step back and chill the heck out every time I look at that list and start feeling anxious.

Consider doing something similar. Write this quote on a Post-it note and put it on your desk or computer. Or, if this quote doesn’t do much for you, find a similar one and refer to it when you’re feeling overwhelmed. When stress and anxiety levels soar, subtle reminders that help us keep our cool can make a world of difference.

Do you do anything particular when you’re feeling anxious or stressed? Are there any quotes/words of advice similar to Seth’s that you carry with you?

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** I just switched my domain over to nikkilittle.com, so if the logo is still missing when you read this, please overlook it! It will be back soon. And I lost all social shares on my posts. Boo-hoo! But big thanks to the Don, Hubert Sawyers, for making the switch.

It’s almost the end of the year, which means many people are thinking about how they can improve their lives in the coming year. The gym is always jam packed around this time of year, and people are talking and posting online about their goals and resolutions.

Last year, I wrote about what to keep in mind when setting New Year’s Resolutions, and I actually think setting resolutions and/or goals is better than doing nothing to improve whatever it is you need to work on in your life in the coming year. But this year, I’ve decided to change things up.

Rather than setting resolutions or goals, I created a bucket list. Starting now and moving forward every new year, I plan to work on achieving what is on that bucket list. I may add or delete items before the turn of each new year as my life changes, but that’s OK. Continue reading “Why I’m Trading New Year’s Resolutions for a Bucket List”

Five minutes isn’t a whole lot of time, yet there are many things you can accomplish in just five minutes. You can send an email, brush your teeth, make a sandwich or listen to a song.

We all wish we had more time each day to accomplish everything that needs to get done. But, we’re not getting more time. So what we need to do is spend our time wisely and do things that are productive and valuable.

While you may be thinking there’s no way you could possibly tack on a new task to your already hectic schedule, I’d like you to do just that. As often as possible, I’d like you to take five minutes to help someone else. This may not become a daily habit, or it may happen multiple times a day, depending on what opportunities come your way. But get it in your head right now that you have enough capacity to spend five minutes doing something that will benefit another person, whether you know that person or he/she is a complete stranger.

Let me tell you a short story that will hopefully prove why spending five minutes to help someone else is powerful. One of my clients at Identity is a large national corporation. We have a few contacts at the company who our social media team works with, and two of those are my direct clients. A few months ago, I learned one of my contacts was leaving the company, and I knew how important it would be to fill her role with the right person.

Since I’m the Michigan champion for Help a PR Pro Out (a movement that seeks to use social media to leverage relationships and help connect those seeking a job in the PR industry with employers), I make it a point to share job opportunities with my online networks whenever I can. Rather than sharing the job opening publicly, I decided to first share it with the other HAPPO champs in our private Facebook group to see if they personally knew anyone who would be good for this role.

Long story short, another HAPPO champ recommended I connect with her friend who was looking for a job because the position seemed like a fit for her. After a few LinkedIn messages between me and this person, I forwarded her resume to my client. A few months and interviews later, she now has a job, and we’ll be working very closely together. What I did to get her resume in front of my client took all of about five minutes of my time, and it resulted in someone landing a great job.

So, what can you do in five minutes or less to help someone else? Here are a few ideas:

To go off my example, share a job opportunity with your networks or an individual who would be a good fit.
Write a recommendation for someone on LinkedIn.
Answer a question in a LinkedIn group.
If a friend at work looks like he/she is having a bad day, send a private message (via whichever method makes the most sense for you and that other person) reminding him/her that you’re available to talk or help in any way you can.
Do something unexpected that helps your significant other (fold laundry, make lunch for work the next day, etc.).
Give feedback or a recommendation to someone who needs it.

The list goes on.

I hope you take on this small challenge because it will end up being as rewarding for you in the long run as it will for the people you help.

If you have a story to share about how you helped someone lately in five minutes or less, or if you have other ways to help in five minutes, leave your feedback in the comments.

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Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts. – Arnold Bennett, English novelist

Change is inevitable. We all know that. Try as we might, it’s impossible to go through a significant period of time without experiencing change, whether it’s positive or negative.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that change occurs more frequently and unexpectedly. This is both a good and bad thing. Good because it keeps life fresh and interesting. Bad because we’re not always ready for certain changes when they’re dumped on us without warning.

My coworker, Sarah Collica, wrote a great post recently about how adapting and evolving are key to surviving change. And she’s absolutely right. We always have choices in life. No, we don’t have the pleasure of choosing how our lives shake out detail by detail. But we do have control of how we handle each new opportunity or challenge that we face. And how we handle change is the most important part.

Don’t be fooled by the size of change when it comes to determining the magnitude of impact. What may be a minor change to one person is an enormous change to another. It was a big deal to me when I changed my Twitter handle to @nikkistephan from @EstrellaBella10. My friend, Elena Wollborg, just went through the same internal debate and transition (read her post for all the details). Now, if you aren’t on Twitter, you may be scoffing at the fact that we both stressed about this change. But if you are on Twitter, then you get it. We all perceive change differently. Once again, it all comes down to how we handle change and how we grow from each new experience – both positive and negative.

It’s obvious from my recent post that change is on my mind. I’m making a big change this Saturday when I get married. And I’ve been surrounded by changes for the past month. To give you an idea of what I’m talking about:

One of my bridesmaids got engaged.
A friend from high school had a baby.
Another friend from high school shared news that she’s pregnant.
A friend is dealing with a job transition.
A friend ended a four-year relationship.
A friend’s dad had a heart attack and learned he must change his lifestyle because he had 99% blockage in his arteries.
Two friends who were supposed to attend my wedding moved out of Michigan in the past month and can’t make the trip back.
My 96-year-old grandmother’s doctor told her she can no longer live on her own and must move from her apartment at a senior living home to a nursing home that provides around-the-clock care.

Some of these are happy changes. Others…not so welcomed. But they all come along with their own unique challenges and struggles. You know how we handle good and bad changes like the ones I mentioned? We persevere.

That’s really what it all boils down to when you put change into perspective. The best way to deal with change is through perseverance. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s the wisest option. Keep charging ahead, and never look back longer than you’re looking forward.

And with that, I’m off to make the most of the last three days before I make a crazy big change! But, I’d love to hear your thoughts on handling change, how you embrace/fight it and how it’s made you a better person.

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