Are you the type of person who asks for help the minute you need it? Or, do you always do everything possible to figure things out on your own before you dare ask for someone to help you? Maybe you’re like me and you’re somewhere in between. I’m not too stubborn to ask for help when I know I need it, but I also like to do some digging before I reach out to someone else. I won’t lie – my impatience gets the best of me sometimes and I ask before I’ve put in enough effort on my own, but I’m working on not doing that!
There really is no perfect answer that works for everyone when it comes to knowing when to seek help, or what the best method is for approaching someone when you need help. However, as I’ve been paying closer attention to how people approach me for help, I think there are three important things everyone should do before any type of help is requested.
Do your own research – This should be a given, but unfortunately people think it’s OK to put the onus on someone else rather than investing time to find the information or answer. Maybe you won’t find the entire answer, but if you do some digging and come to the person you’re asking for help with at least some information, it shows initiative. And frankly, if you don’t know the person very well and you’re asking for help without doing some searching on your own, you immediately come off as lazy.
Taking time to figure out the answer on your own is really important for professional growth, as well. What is your boss going to think if you’re the person who always asks questions without at least making an attempt to answer them yourself first? Managers should never condemn smart questions, but jumping to questions before trying to problem solve on your own will not get you far in your career, or in life.
Think of specific questions – Rather than asking broad and very general questions (e.g. “How can I get a really great job like yours?”), come to the person you’re reaching out to with very specific questions. Recently, I’ve had a few PR students ask me very broad questions similar to my example. I could spend an hour talking about this, and I could write a novel of an email trying to explain this. Depending on the situation and timing, make it as easy as possible for the person you’re requesting help from to provide you with valuable answers. It’s going to take me longer to put my thoughts together around a broad question, but I can think of an answer more quickly the more specific you get.
Going back to the first example, this shows you put some time and effort into thinking about what questions will be most helpful to you. And, it shows you don’t expect the world and more from the person you’re approaching. “Tell me what I need to do to succeed in my career” is not the same as “What are three things you did in your first year on the job that helped you succeed?” Particularly if you don’t know the person well, don’t go into this with the intention of squeezing out every morsel of advice the person has to offer. Be respectful of his/her time, whether you’re meeting in person or emailing questions.
Also, specific questions will garner specific answers. If you make the question too broad, you risk not getting the answer you were hoping for.
Make sure you’re giving enough lead time – Do you need answers or information back by a specific date/time? If so, you better give the person you’re asking more than enough time to get back to you. A few months ago, a college student sent me a DM on Twitter saying he needed a PR professional to answer a few questions for class and asked if I would be willing to help him out. I said I would be happy to and asked him to email me the questions and when he needs the answers. When I received the email, he told me he needed the answers by the next morning. It was the middle of the day when he asked me. As diplomatically as possible, I told him he can’t expect such a quick turnaround in the future and needs to give more lead time than half a day. The questions took me awhile to answer, and there were about five or six of them.
It definitely depends on the context of the situation and how well you know the person, but don’t expect someone to drop everything to help you out simply because you need something. People will often go out of their way to help, even if they don’t know you. But before you reach out for help, think about your deadline, and be sure to reach out well in advance so you don’t put someone in an uncomfortable or pressured situation.
And by all means, say thank you when someone helps you out! I had a similar situation to the one above with the college student from another student who needed questions answered for a class. I spent time answering the questions, sent them to the student and never received a “thank you” in response. That’s a real easy way to burn bridges. We’re all busy, but never too busy to give a simply “thank you.” Seriously – don’t forget that.
Also, don’t forget that helping others in essential. The power of spending five minutes to help someone may not be evident at first, but if you do what you can when you can to help others, you’ll get more in return. Guaranteed.
Have you had similar situations where people do the wrong thing when reaching out for help? Any suggestions on what else to do before requesting help?